There is a saying that goes, "Appreciate the little things, for one day you may look back and find out they were big things." I believe that is true in life, but it is especially true in marriage. The little things we do for, and with, our spouse are important. Every day, we are faced with choices in marriage. Do we help our partner with the dishes? Do we put away their laundry? Do we run errands together when we really want to stay home and relax? Each choice we make is an opportunity to make a small thing into something big. Each choice is a chance to turn toward our spouse and share a moment or experience. Each choice is a chance to show our love in small, but significant, ways.
Dr. John Gottman said, "Many people think the secret to reconnecting with their partner is a candlelit dinner or a by-the-sea-vacation. The real secret is to turn toward each other in the little ways every day." The small, every day interactions are where we show love. For some reason, those small things are also sometimes the hardest sacrifices to make.
Chad and I live on a small, family farm. We raise horses, chickens, pigs and goats. This means that twice a day, every day, 365 days a year, we have animals to feed. It is a lot of work, and there are days I dread it. Chad can do the chores by himself in about 20 minutes, and often I'm not able to help because of kids, homework, or dinner. But there are days that he asks me to come help. And there are days I really don't want to. I'm grateful I know that he really doesn't need my help; rather, he wants my company. He wants to talk and connect. He wants me to know he cares and wants to spend time with me. It is one of many ways he shows me he loves me. He is so good at it, and I am so selfish by comparison. But I'm trying to do better.
A couple of weeks ago I talked about Positive Sentiment Override. Do you remember? It is when you have more positive experiences or thoughts about your spouse than you do negative thoughts. Those excess positive thoughts are so powerful. They tip the scales when times are hard and keep the relationship afloat. Part of Positive Sentiment Override is having these small moments where we come together and connect. We make each other more important that whatever else we could, or should, be doing. These are the times we nurture our friendship and share our loads. These small, intimate moments are where our relationship is strengthened. I've tried to become more aware of theses little chances to spend time together. I've even tried to orchestrate them. To my delight, the tiny amount of effort I've expended has paid huge dividends. Now that I'm looking for chances to spend time with my husband, I find them everywhere, and I'm excited about it. It has made me love him more. I have been able to learn new things about him that we probably wouldn't talk about if we were sitting on the couch. I feel like my heart fills just a little bit more each time we turn toward each other and make time for the little, big, things.
**Week 7**
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