Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

I had a very interesting experience while teaching a group of young women in church. The topic of the lesson was the law of chastity. I was very open about God's expectations on the subject, as well as the purpose of sexual intimacy and why we should wait until marriage.  One of the things that surprised me most was the look on their faces when I told them that sex in marriage is an expression of true love, that the sexual relationship between a husband and wife is ordained by God, and that it was a beautiful expression of love and unity in marriage. I think their jaws all hit the floor. They told me that it was the first time they had not been told that sex was bad and something to be avoided. It was my turn to wear a shocked expression.

In that moment, all I could think was that we have failed these youth. Their whole lives, they have been told that God's creative powers were bad. I did my best to set things straight and help them to understand the truth about sex.

 The reality is, that sexual intimacy is a beautiful gift from God to man. The physical desires we feel are natural and God given; they aren't just a biological urge or lust. We are to, very literally, become one with our spouse through those feelings and desires. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said,

"In this ultimate physical expression of one man and one woman, they are as nearly and as literally one as two separate physical bodies can ever be. It is in that act of ultimate physical intimacy that we most nearly fulfill the commandment of the Lord given to Adam and Eve, living symbols for all married couples, when He invited them to cleave unto one another only, and thus become one flesh."

Sexual intimacy brings a husband and wife closer together in the ultimate expression of love. They are giving themselves, body and soul, to each other. I can think of nothing more powerful, beautiful, or meaningful than that.

Inside each of us, universally given to every man and woman on earth, is the spark of creation.  We carry within us the very creative powers of God; the power to create unity, love, service and life, as we share this give with our spouse. Intimacy is a reminder of the  commitment we have made to unity, fidelity and love.

Without fidelity in marriage, sexual intimacy loses its beauty and meaning. When we get married, we are making an explicit promise of faithfulness. We are committing to share that holy expression of love with no one but our spouse. Unfortunately, in today's world, there are an almost unlimited number of ways to be unfaithful. When we talk of fidelity, we usually think of refraining from sexual contact with anyone but our spouse. But the less discussed, but more prevalent, forms of fidelity are equally damaging.

Pornography is a major factor in infidelity and divorce. It is addictive and gives users false ideas about the nature of intimacy and relationships. It is a counterfeit to the beautiful expression of love that is what a marriage relationship should be. Even though there is no physical contact, desires are directed somewhere other than toward a spouse. The results are broken trust, broken hearts and broken relationships. President Gordon B Hinckley said, "Pornography has the effect of damaging hearts and souls to their very depths, strangling the life out of relationships." We must avoid anything that might damage our relationships with our spouse.

God has given each of us His procreative powers, and the power to become one as a married couple. It has been given to us in an unlimited way, and "the only control placed on us is self-control. Surely God's trust in us to respect this gift is an awesomely staggering one (Elder Holland)." We must always remember that sexual intimacy is a holy impulse with a holy purpose, and to treat that relationship as the powerful symbol of love and commitment that it is meant to be.